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Hot on the trail of the Navarro Boys
by Dave and Johnny Navarro
Bikini - #15, January 1997

We didn't want to do this. Let us re-phrase that. We wanted to do this article. But, when that certain Sunday rolled around, we were trying to find ways to get out of it. Don't misunderstand. Dave and Johnny enjoy outdoors and physical activity. But, this particular Sunday, we wanted to enjoy the air-conditioned solitude of a darken movie theater, or the caffeninated glibness of a coffee house. The thought of driving 45 minutes to the Santa Monica Mts. to frolic around the hills on Trek mts. bikes during one of the last remaining days of the just wasn't where we wanted to be. Driving to Santa Mts...

Dave: Fuck this. If this Trek guy is 2 minutes late we're leaving. Or better yet...let me do the talking. I'll get us out of this thing...

-Johnny is lost aimlessy west on Sunset Blvd.

Dave: Dude...where in the hell are you going?

Johnny: It's up this way (makes a wrong turn) Wait...(turning around) Doesn't this intersect the coast?

Dave: Malibu! don't know where you are going, do you?

Johnny: Stop...I got it man. This way. (makes another wrong turn)

Dave and John eventually end up at the Newsroom in Santa Monica for their rendevous with the Trek guy and the photographer and the Trek guy named Jackson.

Dave: What is it...Jason?

Jackson: Jackson!

Dave: Right...Jackson...okay...are you familiar with our work? I mean, our movie column?

Jackson: Oh yeah...I love it.

Johnny: So you understand how we work, right?

Jackson: Well...

Dave: This is how it is going to be Jackson...Johnny and I are going to the movies right now.

Johnny: See Ya!!

Dave: We'll give the bikes a "thumbs up". In fact will even go so far as to have some of our friends comment on how great they are...

Johnny: Yeah, Don't worry, you'll love the article...

Dave: So...we're outta here!

Jackson: (blankly) Oh...Okay

Johnny: Just kidding man! We just need some breakfast...what

Jackson: (relieved) Yeah...sure...order up guys.

Dave: Thanks, Jason.

A bit later over soup...

Jackson: So, I take you guys don't ride?

Dave: What gave you that impression?

Johnny: We ride all the time Jason.

Dave: (as Buzz from Rebel without a Cause) Ever been on a chicky run?!

Jackson: (lost) Huh? It's Jackson...

Johnny: It's all we ever do (as Toad from American Graffiti) I've got the little Vespa I fool around with...

Dave: Yeah...I don't see what the big deal is. I mean we go biking all the time. I have a Harley and John as a Honda.

Johnny: Now that's a biking, man. None of these sissy trails and pedals crap. Try sitting on our bikes for a few hours. I mean, you're in for a know what I'm saying?

Jackson: Sure.

Dave: You like men, Joshua?

Jackson: Hey wait a minute.

Johnny: You do, don't you? I've heard about you mountain bike guys.

Jackson: You are the ones talking leather and Harley's.

Dave: Yeah...John lives in Silverlake.

Johnny: Los Feliz. This guy's okay...

Dave: Alright. What'dya say we check out the bikes? Let's get this thing going...

Dave and Johnny are ushered to Jackson's truck. He's got a couple of high-powered Trek mts. bikes in the back. One's your standard bitchin' ride, the 6500. The other is the Viper of mts. bikes. The only thing this bike is missing is tailpipes...

Dave: (referring to the souped-up mt. bike) What the fuck is that thing?

Jackson: That's the Y-Five-o.

Dave: That's quite a piece of machinery you have there.

Johnny: I heard Alex Van Halen drives on of those.

Dave: He used to, but then one time when he was out on the road with the band...they all went to Benihana of know the rest of the story...

Johnny: Actually...(cracking up).

Dave: Don't John...don't do it...

Johnny: Come on Dave tell's too good not to tell...

Dave: Alright...apparently there was a bunch of drummers at Benihana one night. And I hear Alex had one too many sakis or something and began to do a striptease, y'know...up on top of the Teppan Yaki grill. And it gets, like, really outrageous...and he's kind of making a scene...and he's liked blasted, right?! So, he slips and accidentally falls on the grill...

Johnny: That's what I call a hot number.

Dave: (laughing) I becomes burlesque...because he's trying to get up off the grill...and as he puts his hand down to get levage...he ends up sizzling them!

Johnny: Alex Burn Halen! (more laughs).

Dave: (full of laughter) He's "hot for teacher!"

Jackson: guys are ruthless...

Dave: You don't know the half of it Johnson. Now let's get the fuck outta here!

CUT TO: Mandeville Canyon, Dave and Johnny pile out their 96 Olds Cutlass Supreme. Jackson outfits them with shoes and riding shorts.

Dave: (Changing clothes) Hey Jefferson...can you help me out with this. (At first glance it appears if Dave had a piece of brown chewing gum dangling from his shorts. A closer look reveals that Dave has grabbed a section of his scrotum and is pinching it and pulling it through a small hole in his shorts about the size of a nickel.)

Jackson: (stunned)'re are on you own with that one, man...

CUT TO: The Trail. Dave and Johnny face the mighty elements. Tight shot of Dave's face--it is full of grit. CUT TO Johnny's face--it is filled with pain. CUT TO tight shot of legs pedaling hard and fast--sprockets spinning, like fish in a blender. A hawk can be heard screeching in the distance. WIDE SHOT Dave and John scale their first peak. Theme song from Rocky plays. You know, the part where Rocky is scaling the steps..."Gonna fly now! Gonna fly...high...HIGH!!! CUT TO: tight shot of sprockets spinning slow...slower...stop. CUT TO: Dave and Johnny completely exhausted, dripping in sweat...halfway up the trail they're challenged, waving to Jackson, who is at the top of the hill and causally doing circles. Jackson returns to the point where Dave and Johnny have stopped.

Dave: (to Jackson-out of breath) I've got...a question...for you...

Johnny: (to Jackson out of breath) Do you...know...CPR?

Dave: (gathering his breath) My legs seem to be putting out a lot of effort...but producing...very little forward movement...what am I doing...wrong?

Jackson: You may want to choose a higher gear.

Johnny: There's, like 47 gears on this thing! How do I know which one to chose?

Jackson: kind of gotta feel for the right one. If your legs are just spinning and you're not going anywhere...shift up a notch. If it gets too hard to pedal...downshift to a lower gear...

Dave: (pedaling down the first slope) Look out...I got this weird...(howling) Hey John? I'll catch up with you back at the car, okay, man?

Johnny: (pedaling downhill after Dave) I'm all over this shit! Get the fuck outta my way, Navarro!

Dave: (wasted) This is!

Johnny: (challenging) I want to see Mr. Joshua do it.

Jackson accepts the challenge.

Johnny: (aside) Oh sure but can he dance?

Jackson: It's all in the gears guys.

Dave: I need a smoke...


The Photographer: Okay guys, that was really great. I got some awesome action shots. Now, if it's okay, I'd like to do some portraits down at the end of the trail. Can you, guys like, buzz around for about 20 minutes or so, so I can set-up and then come in, you know, like fully sweating...we'll take some portraits?

Dave: Sure...sweat shouldn't be a problem.

Johnny: So what would a bike like this 6500 retail for Jackson?

Jackson: About $800, but I can get you guys a deal.

Dave: Actually, we wanted to talk to you about that...I mean...we just get to keep these, right?

Jackson: Uhmmmmmm....not if I want to keep my job...

Johnny: What does Dave's retail for? The Y-Five-O.?

Jackson: That sells for around $4,500

Dave: Madon! That's more than a Huffy!

Johnny: But that includes a Volkswagen Jetta, right?

Dave: We'll have to talk, Jackson. Work something out...

Jackson: Sure!


Nike Dude: Hey Dave! "Nick Nike" from Nike. I'm with the Music Industry Marketing Division I send stuff over to the office all the time. I didn't know you rode...

Dave: Oh yeah all the time!

Nike Dude: Wow...(admiring the y-5-o)...that's a beauty!

Dave: Oh yeah. Fully suspended. (bouncing pedals) Carbon-fiber composite frame...

Nike Dude: (impressed by Dave's knowledge) How many miles do you got on her?

Dave: (stretching) Ohhh...I put about 500 on her just this week...


We didn't want to do this. But, after a rigorous afternoon in the canyon, we were thoroughly impressed, not only with the machinery, but also with our Trek guide, Jackson Lynch. These bikes come with our highest recommendation and our official Navarro stamp of approval. So, if you're looking for a smooth ride to slide between your legs take it from Dave and Johnny: Trek bikes are where it's at. In the meantime, you'll find us at the movies...!

transcribed by Belinda