this page was updated on 2014.08.14 @ 23:51:30 CDT

Movies and Crap
The Navarro Brothers Give A Collective "Thumbs Down" To Hollywood Huge Releases
by Dave and Johnny Navarro
Bikini - #27

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro
Stars Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, and F. Murray Abraham.

Johnny: Dave, what did you think?

Dave: Ummm.... I had a great seat.

Johnny: Normally I'd stand in line to see anything Mira Sorvino does, but that's not the case here. I knew this would happen as soon as she started dating Quentin Tarantino. She went from an Oscar-winning role to working with puppets.

Dave: I know, you're glad you missed this one, but in case you are a little curious, just throw in a copy of Aliens, but make sure your TV is somewhat out of focus...that way you'll really get the whole effect. The best thing in this picture was the title sequence. It was done by that guy who did the Seven titles.

Johnny: What about F. Murray Abraham, who was great in Scarface by the way? (from Scarface) "So you wanna make big bucks...huh?"

Dave: Exactly! This was a total paycheck for him. As I was watching it, I got the feeling that he had no idea what the film was about. Like he only read his lines on the day of shooting his scenes.

Johnny: F. Murray AbraHAM!

Dave: I wonder if David Duchovny was pissed that Jeremy Northam literally stole his vibe.

Johnny: What's he got to be pissed about, he's sleeping with Tea Leoni!

Dave & Johnny: Gimmick!


Air Bud
A Disney Film.

Dave & Johnny: Sure, we've all heard the pundits' wisecracks: "Air Dud," "Air Ball," "Air Bunk," "Dog Shit." But, we'd ask you not to pre-judge this "Doggy Do-Well" picture. It's a "dog-eat-dog" world and Air Bud asks us to take a "paws" from our "dog daze" and slip into a new set of sneakers. We attend an awful lot of screenings, and frankly, we didn't know what to expect when we walked into this one. But, after the lights went down in the theatre, we were swept away by the magic of Air Bud. The most remarkable element of this canine adventure, which we are calling a "K-10," is that it's actually a film about a dog that plays basketball! Imagine that! A dog playing basketball! Isn't that great? What gifted screenwriter could have crafted such a whimsical "tail"? By the end of the film we were "sitting up" in our seats and "begging" for more. We found ourselves "panting," "crying" out loud, and "rolling over" with laughter. So much, in fact, that we'd like to give this dog a bone, but instead we'll leave it to the Academy to give this dog an Oscar. There's nothing like the "heel-ing" power of laughter, and this film will "unleash" your hear because it' Puptacular!


Air Force One
Directed by Wolfgang Petersen
Stars Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman.

Johnny: I so wanted to like this film, Dave.

Dave: No good? I didn't get a chance to see it.

Johnny: I started counting the wrinkles on his face. That's how good it was. He's getting a little long in the tooth.

Dave: John, don't be so mean-spirited! Let's save all that hostility for the next Steven Segal film. Harrison is the coolest! I know, he got an earring, but still man, he's Han Solo for Chris'sakes! (sarcastically) You know John...the guy from Empire?

Johnny: All right, all right...let's not get into that again.

Dave: If we're gonna tear into a Harrison Ford film, let's rip apart Sabrina.

Johnny: Hey, I liked that movie.

Dave: You've got to be kidding! That was a total piece of shit.

Johnny: No. I love that girl...what's her name?

Dave: See what I mean? It didn't make any lasting impression on you.

Johnny: It didn't hurt Greg Kinnear any.

Dave: No, only the viewers. I have to say, though, that I'm a little disappointed with you for not knowing Julia Ormand's name, but you remember Greg Kinnear at the drop of a hat.

Johnny: Talk Soup!

Dave: Oh yeah...but how is it that Greg Kinnear is the winner in that movie?

Johnny: Because he passed on Air Force One!

Dave & Johnny: Hair'son Ford's Done!


G.I. Jane
Directed by Ridley Scott
Stars Demi Moore and Viggo Mortensen.

Dave: G.I. Junk.

Johnny: G.I. Lame.

Dave: G.I. can't believe I spent $8.00 on this!

Johnny: G.I. hope she doesn't go with that short hair thing for too long.

Dave: G.I. can't believe she made a movie worse than Striptease!


Money Talks
Starring Charlie Sheen and Chris Tucker.

Dave & Johnny: Dave & Johnny Walked!


Conspiracy Theory
Starring Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.

Dave & Johnny: Conspiracy Dreary!


George of the Jungle
Starring Brendan Frasier.

Dave & Johnny: George of the Bungle!


Cop Land
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Ray Liotta, Robert DeNiro and Harvey Keitel.

Johnny: The slogan for this film was, "No one is above the law." True, but someone was above 250 lbs. Did you see how large Stallone was? He looked like he had pieces of lox surgically applied to his lips.

Dave: I think he was going for that DeNiro Raging Bull thing.

Johnny: Yes. But DeNiro was acting...Stallone was just eating.

Dave: Pork-Chop Land!

Johnny: This was Stallone's Sling Blade.

Dave: Why? Did he go home and allegedly beat the shit out of his wife?

Johnny: ...and now he's allegedly doing Laura Dern!

Dave: Jesus! Didn't Goldblum allegedly take a swipe or two at her?

Johnny: No that was allegedly Geena Davis. Remember that movie The Fly? The working title of that was actually The Fly-Weight!

Dave: Now that's what I call a "Title Fight!"

Johnny: Flop Land!

Dave: Cop Bland!