this page was updated on 2014.08.14 @ 23:51:31 CDT

Movies and Crap
The Brothers Navarro Take A Break From Band Rehearsal And Go To The Movies Just For You.
by Dave and Johnny Navarro
Bikini - #28

Seven Years In Tibet
A Brad Pitt Vehicle.

Dave: Dude! Can you believe this one? I couldn't fucking believe it!

Johnny: I was like a palette on which Brad Pitt was just, like, showed us all the different ways he can look good. Y'know...Brad with long hair...Brad witha beard...Brad with a beard and long hair...Brad with a tan...Brad with short hair...Brad with a turban...Brad with snow on his beard...frost-bitten Brad....

Dave: It was amazing. Did you catch his accent? Didn't he already do an accented piece of shit? Like some Irish thing?

Johnny: Yeah he did.... Did it seem long to you? It seemed really fuckin' long.

Dave: Yeah, it felt like, Seven Years In The Theater.

Johnny: I know, I was 18 when I walked in.... Hey, didn't Patrick Swayze do this same movie a while ago?

Dave: Yeah, he did.

Johnny: I heard that the studio wanted to re-make it with a more handsome guy...that's why they went with Brad.

Dave: Right, that he's done this thing, he can sucker all the "spiritual" women that didn't care for his superficial good looks into his fan-base.

Dave & Johnny: Seven Ways Brad Pitt Can Look Handsome!


The Edge
Starring Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin, and Elle MacPherson.

Johnny: I don't get it, Dave. We spent two hours in this movie and not once did they show The Edge.

Dave: John, it wasn't a movie about U2. It was a movie about struggle, conflict, and perseverance. But the sequel, I heard, is going to be called "The Nuge." It's gonna star Ted Nugent as the fearless hunter who slays all the remaining bear-cubs with a cross-bow!

Johnny: You know, the bear was actually played by Gary Oldman.

Dave: Yeah.... I think he's slipping a little. I mean, it was totally fake. His make-up was all wrong.

Johnny: "Jaws with claws." Do you think that Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin compete with each other as to who has the better film out right now?

Dave: Oh I'm sure of it...however, Kim will always have the better film. In fact, Kim makes "film" and Alec makes "movies."

Johnny: Is it, like, if his movie has a bigger weekend then hers...he's gotta sleep on the couch? (as Alec Baldwin) "Hey Kim! Cool World? How about that? What happened there?"

Dave: No, not at all.... I mean, she's usually over at my place on the weekends. Me and Alec have it kind of worked out. Y'know?

Johnny: Is Kim hotter than Rene to you?

Dave: C'mon now, John, you know me better than to ask that....


Event Horizon
Starring Sam Neill and Lawrence Fishburne.

Dave & Johnny: Un-Eventful Horizon!


L.A. Confidential
Starring Kevin Spacey, Kim Basinger, Russell Crowe, Danny DeVito, James Cromwell, and some really annoying Guy.

Johnny: girls and drugs. I liked this movie, Dave.

Dave: Now you're talking. Finally a movie I can relate to. I was bummed to see that there was no Rene Russo look-alike within the Fleur De Lis organization.

Johnny: How much would you have paid to get with a Rene Russo look-alike?

Dave: It would be as simple as handing David Strathairn my wallet and house-keys. You really can't put a "price" on something like that, John. What about you?

Johnny: I'll take a Winona Ryder look-alike, a Salma Hayek look-alike, and a video camera for the weekend.

Dave: Johnny, you kind of have experience in this area, don't you?

Johnny: Hey, wait a minute! Go easy! What about you?!

Dave: All right, all right.... Let's just leave it alone.

Johnny: I mean, I've been known to play around with a video camera but....

Dave: Ummmm.... Yeah. Right. That's, uh, what I meant.

Johnny: So, besides Rene Russo, who would you most like to purchase a look-alike of?

Dave: Well, the funny thing is... That I'd probably want to purchase a Kim Basinger look-alike...y'know?

Johnny: I'm imagining an exchange with a Dolly Parton and a Rip Taylor look-alike. Complete with confetti.... I'd just capture it all on tape.

Dave: Now that would've made this movie a box-office smash!

Johnny: No pun intended. In fact, I think you could say that L.A. Confidential is all about the "Box Office" if you know what I mean?

Dave: I know what you mean.

Dave & Johnny: L.A. Con-Fantastic!


In & Out
Starring Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Matt Dillon, and Tom Selleck.

Dave: So...what did you think?

Johnny: I was surprised to see that Kevin Kline's character actually turned out to be gay. I thought that it was a nice, unexpected twist.

Dave: Yeah, me too. I especially liked Joan's wedding dress.

Johnny: All of the costume design was exquisite.

Dave: Tom Selleck was especially handsome and charming.

Johnny: He looks much better with his mustache, but didn't Matt Dillon look great?

Dave: Stunning. Simply stunning! Y'know.... He looks great as a blonde.

Johnny: Oh, he's dreamy! He always looks great. Too bad he wasn't gay in the film. I would've seen it at least three more times.

Dave: How many times did you see it?

Johnny: Only twice.

Dave: Yeah, me too.

Dave & Johnny: In & Out Of The Theatres!