this page was updated on 2014.08.14 @ 23:51:34 CDT

Movies and Crap
What haven't Dave and Johnny Navarro said about Hollywood's state of emergency?
by Dave and Johnny Navarro
Bikini - #?

The Arrival
An Alien film.
Stars Charlie Sheen

Johnny: They should have called this New Arrivals...

Dave: Yeah, because the only place it will be seen in the New Arrivals section of your local video store! It would've been better if it was about hookers instead of aliens...

Johnny: Hookers?

Dave: Yes! That would be an "arrival" that Charlie Sheen could relate to. You know, like method acting.


Independence Day
Twentieth Century Fox Presents
A Centropolis Entertainment Production
A Roland Emmerich Film
Stars Bill Pullman, Will Smith, and Jeffrey Goldblum

Johnny: This movie made me sick, they should've called it Indigestion Day!

Dave: Independence Dud!

Johnny: The special effects were astounding, especially the way they digitally modified Harvey Fierstein's voice to make him almost understandable....

Johnny: Yeah, yeah, I bought it's awesome.

Dave: Yeah, I know, but you've got to come over to my house and hear it....

Johnny: Why?

Dave: Because I bought it on Compact Disc. I have a Compact Disc player!

Johnny: What do you mean?

Dave: It's the same music...on a Compact Disc! Everything sounds clearer, more dynamic! You need a Compact Disc Player to play it, but you can forget about tape hiss or that annoying sound of the needle on your vinyl....

Johnny: Wait a mean....?

Dave: Yes! It's called "Compact Disc!" For a Compact Disc Player! You've gotta check it out! Pretty soon all music is going to be like this.


Warner Brothers Presents An Arnold Kopelson production of A Charles Russell Film
Stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caan, Vanessa Williams and Danny Nucci

Dave & Johnny: They should've "erased" the answer print!


The Frighteners
A Universal Pictures Release
Robert Zemeckis Presents a Wingnut Films Production of a Peter Jackson film
Stars Michael J. Fox and Trini Alvarado

(Exterior Dusk. Mann's Bruin Theater in Westwood Village. The streets are lined with paparazzi as the stars file in to the gala world-premeire of The Frighteners, Starring Michael J. Fox.)

Dave: John, I'm gonna go across the street to get a coffee, 'Jew want anything?

Johnny: I'm cool. I'll get the tickets....

Industry Guy: Name please?

Johnny: Yes. Look under Navarro or "Bikini"...

Industry Guy: Well, which is it? Navarro or "Bikini"?

Johnny: It's either or both, Dick!

Industry Guy: What did you say?

Johnny: It says right there on your badge...Richard. Try Bikini Magazine....

Industry Guy: I have a Dave Navarro....

(Dave approaches.)

Dave: Yeah, what about him? Where're the tickets?

Johnny: We've got a hassle....

Dave: What?! Again?! We come all the way out to Westwood again?! For this? The last time this happened, it cost somebody their job!

(Cut to: interior evening. Hana Sushi. Dave & Johnny, digesting.)

Dave: What'd you think?

Johnny: Are you serious? The only one who was "frightened" was Michael J. Fox's agent!


The Cable Guy
Directed by Ben Stiller
Stars Matthew Broderick and Jim Carrey

Ben Stiller may very well be the next Ingmar Bergman.

This dark comedy, which examines the loneliness and alienation that all of us confront as we trudge through our daily lives, features Matthew Broderick as the vox humanae and Jim Carrey as the "Cable Guy." Through a series of plot twists and turns, The Cable Guy portrays the internal struggle between Protagonist and Antagonist, the duality of man, each an empire unto himself.

Jim Carrey is brilliant as the lonesome "Cable Guy." Fearful, insecure, needy, overbearing--a product of the Electronic Baby-sitter. Carrey's role as a cable installer (the Willy Loman of our generation) is meant to be symbolic of his character's need to reach out and "make connections." Using the only tools at his disposal, he perverts his conduct to the point of villainous obsession, yet at the same time is sympathetically crying out for love and understanding. The laughter his behavior provokes allows us to experience our own tears turned inside out.

Yes, we've heard the pun: Straight-to-Cable Guy. The irony of this statement is that should it in fact find its way to cable sooner than most films of its stature, we'd only be too pleased, because it would allow its greatness to be viewed by the masses, and in repetition. This film is an important work of art, and should be regarded as such. It must be viewed several times in order to fully grasp its meaning. Pay no heed to the naysayers, Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, received by riotous laughter, was never fully appreciated until years after his passing.

thanks to Belinda for the photocopies